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Divorce may seem like the rule rather than the exception here in the US. But believe it or not, the divorce rate is actually on a steady decline. In fact, the new study now puts it at the lowest level since 1970. Joining us now is Dr.Keith Ablow, author of the book Living The Truth.

Dr.Ablow, welcome to the scene.

Thank you, Lester.

This is a great news, I think. And you know what...

Well, well, here is the thing. Some experts say it's a great news. Others are disagreeing. I have to be a glasses have empty one on this one.

Alright, what we're not seeing in these numbers?

I, we're not seeing is that, although the divorce rate has declined to the lowest level since 1970. The marriage rate has declined 30% in the last 25 years.

So, that tells maybe people are orbiting not to get into bad marriages.

Not to get into marriages that all it's seems or perhaps not bad marriages. That's right. And they're living together more. So there is a tenfold increase in the number people living together sice 1960.

Is that worrisome that people are choosing not to get marriage?

Well, here is the thing. I think what there is a crisis in marraige in the United States. That's yet to be declared. And that is this, people are looking at their parents' marriages. They are looking at their own inner thing. We are not sure how to maintain our passion and our happiness in this architecture. And so, you could say that people orbiting out is a problem. I got the happiness factor, are they happy in either situation?

What, and we're also seeing people who are to get married. But they seem be putting it off later in their lives. I'm seeing there are more and more people in their late 30s even nearly 40s have not married yet.

Exactly, and what I'd like to tell people is: It doesn't matter if you marry at 25, you marry at 35. The issue has been, as I've seen it in my practice, that if you working off old dynamics, if you repeating the very same patterns from your parents' marriage, for instance, if those were somewhat negative, not terribly negative, but somewhat, then it's gonna be very hard to start a fresh and sign on in an intimate and permanent way with anybody.

I want to swing this back to a more positive, positive place. (Let's do that!) People, are people getting help now away they used to. They used to be well stick-in-the-mud with getting marriage counseling. People say: Hey, we can save this. And let's make this worth.

You know what, I think people are * devoting with their fee, their thing, let's get some marriage counseling. It they have the resources to do it. That's one reason I wrote Living The Truth. That's because not everybody has the resources for marriage consoling and what required is to go back. Very often, people marry out of core weaknesses, believe it or not, and they heal each other in their marriages. Too often, they end them at the very point where they can become more intimate with each other, but takes courage.

Right! We also know that typically, a lot of families where couples will stay together because of the children. Also it's not an increasing awareness of the fact that standard of living to take real draft after divorce.

Absolutely, look, I think there is barrier to entry to marriage in terms of commitment. There is a barrier to exit in marriage, namely all of the amount of work you have to do if you decide you do wanna live. I can tell you this. It's anecdotal but my experience, my practice. I've actually never had anyone come into my practice and say: My big problem is my parents' divorced amicably. I've had lots of people come and say: I think my problem is my parents' stay together in a bad marriage. A lot people.

Is is hard as a counsellor to tell a couple, you know, maybe you should, should break up.

It is hard, you know, and what I tried to dois before that exhaust every remedy and that's including going back and saying: Listen! Let's find out why you chose each other? And wheter you reproducing patterns from the * marriage? You can get beyond because, you know what, when she tell one another who you really are in the context of marriage, that's when you truly bond. And people may not do that for 10 or 15 years.

Alright, we've got end there, but Dr.Keith Ablow, always good to have you here. Thanks so much!

S*, thank you!

啊呀 这样的帖为什么顶起的人不多呢