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jianghejie





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如果男人有月经 If Men Had Periods

本帖被 震月 从 休闲游戏区 移动到本区(2010-10-01)
1、毫无疑问,一种新型的男用卫生巾将全面占领市场,所有卫生巾生产商将会白白获得50%的利润点,导致这个行业井喷。关于这种卫生巾的形状,还需进一步研究。    

2、各位男体育明星重新增加了一份新的广告收入,比如刘翔,他的广告语也许是:每个月总有几天,让我难以跨越,有了**牌卫生巾,我可以跨越自己!    

3、当老婆充满[屏蔽]的在床上要求时,男人可以羞答答地说:“老婆,今天不行的!我大姨夫来了……”    

4、球队在参加重要比赛的时候,除了要调整时差,还要调整男队员的例假期。足球报道会出现:各位观众朋友,现在曼联队阵容不整,除了几个主力队员受伤之外,前锋鲁尼也因为痛经临时退出了比赛。    

5、电视上会出现以下场景:一个恶狠狠的男人面对一个惊慌失措的女人,恶狠狠地说:“要不是老子这几天来例假,非QJ了你这个小[屏蔽]!    

6、当[屏蔽]两个一起来例假时,都不能沾凉水,都不能做家务,于是一连七天吃方便面。

7、一个男人忧心重重地找到医生,说:“大夫,我已经两个月没来例假了!您看是怎么回事?”医生仔细检查了一下,说:“你的前列腺堵了……”    

8、一个小男孩下半身全是血,哭哭啼啼地回家,爸爸和蔼的告诉他,第一次来月经时应该注意的事项,并鼓励他,说他已经是一名真正的男子汉了!    

9、朋友问他:“你女朋友第一次和你[屏蔽]时,是处女吗?”该男不好意思地回答:“不太清楚,我们第一次时,刚好我来例假……”



Men would brag about how long and how much.
Boys would mark the onset of menses, that longed-for proof of manhood, with religious ritual and stag parties.

The US Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts.

Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. (Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of commercial brands such as John Wayne Tampons, Muhammed Ali's Rope-a-dope Pads, Joe Namath Jock Shields - "For Those Light Bachelor Days," and Robert "Baretta" Blake Maxi-Pads.)

Military men, right-wing politicians, and religious fundamentalists would cite menstruation ("MENstruation") as proof that only men could serve in the army ("You have to give blood to take blood"), occupy political office ("Can women be aggresive without that steadfast cycle governed by the planet Mars?"), be priests and ministers ("how could a woman give her blood for our sins"), or rabbis ("Without the monthly loss of impurities, women remain unclean").

Male radicals, left-wing politicians, and mystics, however, would insist that women are equal, just different; and that any woman could enter their ranks if only she were willing to self-inflict a major wound every month ("You must give blood for the revolution"), recognize the preeminence of menstrual issues, or subordinate her selfness to all men in their Cycle of Enlightenment.

Street guys would brag ("I'm a three-pad man") or answer praise from a buddy (" Man, you are lookin' good") by giving fives and saying, "Yeah, man, I'm on the rag!"

TV shows would treat the subject at length. ("Happy Days": Richie and Potsie try to convince Fonzie that he is still "The Fonz," though he has missed two periods in a row.)

So would newspapers. (JUDGE CITES MONTHLY STRESS IN PARDONING RAPIST.)

And movies. (Newman and Redford in "Blood Brothers"!)

Men would convince women that intercourse was more pleasurable at "that time of the month." Lesbians would be said to fear blood and therefore life itself - though probably only because they needed a good menstruating man.

Of course, male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguements. How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for instance, without that in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets - and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe? Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?


转自http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_6b69b2e80100mj60.html
顶端 Posted: 2010-09-30 22:37 | [楼 主]
desert-water



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谁翻译的 
顶端 Posted: 2012-01-07 22:48 | [1 楼]
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