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雅思习作  望强人批一下  (文中观点若有冒犯,现在此道歉了)

题目

Women have been considered the sec inferior to men since long time ago. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the idea? Give your opinion and reasons with your own experience.



my essay    time  40 minutes


The notion that women are sexually inferior to men is both grounded and reasonable. It is ridiculous to think that men and women are virtually equal. It really do not take to much to discover that we are living in a male-dominated world.


    To start with, let us see retrospectively. It is without a doubt that men take a upper hand through the long history, even from the Stone Age. Prominent figures like Plato, Freud, Beethoven, Einstein, Da Vinci, and Van Gogh, they were all men. Among these great people, there were politicians, philosophers, musicians, artists and mathematicians. Admittedly, there are some great women out there, such as Madam Curie, but the truth is that the contribution they had achieved was far less than men had, not even close to that.
 

    Also, we can discover a multitude of evidence that supports my thought. Currently, men almost dominate every aspect of our day-day lives. In the modern business realm, it is the man who takes the control of the companies, is in charge of every major decision. In the political world, it is also the man who manages the country, deals with the current ever-changing relationships with the other nations. In the academic domain, it is again the man who leads the newest trend of science and technology, makes the freshest discoveries.



      Lastly, I agree women are not without merits. In some cases, they play an amazing part. Jobs such as nurses, secretaries, mothers, wives, just name a few.  Women are naturally softer than men, which enables them to perform some tasks that men can not do well.


    To sum up, I fundamentally agree the assertion that men are superior to women.


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  • 顶端 Posted: 2007-10-10 14:01 | [楼 主]
    channing



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    主体段要点不够. 你2.3 段差不多说的同一个问题, 可以归为一个要点. 就是女性取得的成就不如男性.

    建议另起一段从生理上下笔,Generally speaking,  men are  physically stronger than women, they have more advantages over women in strength, which enables them to move heavy stuffs/
    to do manual work...

    It is without a doubt that  不知道有这个说法没.. 建议就there is no doubt that..

    Currently, men almost dominate every aspect of our day-day lives.注意避免绝对化词汇every...

    In some cases, they play an amazing part. 改成 In some fields, they play a significant part.. amzing比较口语化的词..

    总体写得还是不错哈.
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  • 浮云:3(妖刀村正) 专业点评仔!
  • 顶端 Posted: 2007-10-11 23:24 | [1 楼]
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