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Good morning on today’s family. Are they old enough? It’s only natural for kids to want adventure out on the road as they get a little older. But deciding what they can do and when they can do, well this is a very difficult decision for a lot of parents. Clinical psychologist Rush Peters is the contributor for both Today and iVillage. Ruth good to have you back, good morning!

Thank you very much, Matt.

We, we are talking about independence here. Well, they have teen or toddler. They all want their independence. What are the best ways to handle it as a rule then will get into some more specific situation?

Baby steps. OK, know your kid and understand, you know, what their personality is like. And that you could have a good judgment and you take it all in baby steps, Matt.

And listen to your guard, right? Because every situation is not the same.

And every kid is different. And if your kid is responsible and you use a good judgment. Perhaps they can do a lot earlier than their oldership did.

Yeah, set limits, and by the way, do you willing to change the rules to review the policies?

As they grow, as they grow. And also if they blow it then you have to move back a little bit. So that they can go on.

I’m glad to hear you say that. Let’s take the mall, for example, kids love for some reasons to hanging out mall, OK? At what age is that OK for them to go alone? Before you tell me, let’s take a look at what some people on the street had said about it.

35, no.
probably 15.
Er, maybe 15 or 16.
First of all, she doesn’t drive so I have to drive her. And she’s only 13 and I think the age should be at least 16,17.

13, I think 13 is a good age.

So, this our cast in the sight from 13 to 16 seemed to be the ages of these people, Ruth what do you think?

Yeah, I think so. You get kids about 8th grade where they are going in groups. That’s an important thing that you don’t let them go alone, they are in a group. Certainly in high school, you will allow children to do this. But again you review it if you see thing’s happening where they are not where they are supposed to be, then you stop that privilege.

Let’s talk about boy-girl parties.

Yes.

Clearly when kids are 16 and 17 they go to these parties all the time. But awesome they had puberty and the early teen years and the whole dynamic changes. So let’s find out what people on the streets said it was a good age to let kids go to a boy-girl party alone.

Probably 17,18.
Probably 15,16.
I think up till then they need to be late hanging with mom and dad, playing sports, baby-sitting. You know just / the beginning.

How do you think, Ruth?

I mean the seminary rating is reticular. You are not gonna wait till then, this is not gonna happen. They would go even if you don’t know. I think what you need to do is know your kid whether they can handle it. They are not going go alone again, they are going with friends. And the most important thing is that their parents are there at the poverty. They are inside you know the parents you’ve checked and you know that there is not gonna be alcohol or substances.

And do you pick up the phone and call the parents they are gonna be holding this party for their kids or else that’s taking you one step too far.

It’s never too far. You absolutely know the parents and you talk to them to make sure that they are gonna be in there and they are not gonna being hold up in the bedroom, they are going to be there mingling in the party or your child doesn’t go.

Let’s move on to cell phones. Big talk today, no, no pun intended to bow. What age is a good age to give your kids a cell phone? (Yeah.) I’ve got very strong feelings in this book. First let’s take a look at what some people on the streets had said.

13, I wanna know where they are. I wanna be able to reach them .

I don’t think I have much choice anymore. I tell you once they are in high school. They got cell phones. Er, I’m not sure that always a good thing because it puts them to be in touch with their friends 24 hours.

What do you think about this?

Cell phones are for the child safety and for the parental convenience. It’s not just for the kid’s /. If there’s a pacific need in a child needs / possibly, OK. But I think when the kids in a latter part middle school high school they are going to want to it. But there have to be a very clear rule set of getting cell phone.

But you used an important word, need, (That’s right.) this isn’t for fun this isn’t for chat with their friends. This is for safety for communication.

That’s right, and it is not a given just because this catch you up a 13 says I want one of the lot of / on it. It is a privilege.

Yeah, and I think living in New York mostly at 11. I feel strongly about this because I wanna know where I can reach my kids, in case anything happens. I probably give my kids a cell phone in their earlier age than I lot of parents.

But they will have limits on who they call and how they can use it.

Do you think you should monitor the call?

Absolutely.

That’s not taking, that’s not kind of makes message. I trust you with the cell phone, but I don’t trust you who you gonna talk to.

You wait, Matt. You wait to the drafter’s blood, if they are showing that they are not going go over the minutes. That they are not getting in trouble. They are good students. Then you do not check their text messages in their phone calls. But if you see that they are up a night or might on the phone you can do something called parent time or quiet time so where it is really restricted.

I’ d have a lot of time left about the car. (Oh.) Car accident’s the No.1 cause of death for teenagers. 45% of first-year drivers have an accident. Let’s talk about with people on the streets what age the kid should be able to drive the family car alone.

I think the majority level of a child has a lot of play in case your kids involved in an accident, especially you have more kids in the car. But 16,17 is proper.
I think driving is /. And I was driving at the age of 17. Because I think 16 is young for exact kind of charge of decisions.

What do you think?

I think, around 16,17 but you have to monitor the kid, make sure the driving first only in the daytime that there are no other passengers, the first /, too. And there’s no suspicious reactions, no cell phone’s going off. Except for mom and dad are calling them. Some rules, they break it, that’s it.

Any offenses you take back some of the privileges?

That’s what you’re giving us. So you can take them back.

All righ, Ruth Peters, good go have you back.

Thank you, Matt.

16 after the hour for more on child first, go to our website Today, at Todayshow.com, and visit the iVillage Community.

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