是Task1
图片无法传上来，大家主要看语法错误，和单词拼写错误哈，谢谢



The graph presents the trend of household with personal computers in America from 1980 to 1988.

The line shows a uniformly upward trend in the eight years. In 1980, the percentage of personal computers in household is 0.2%. That is to say, only two families in every one thousand families in America had their own computers at that time. However, things had going to be quite different in 1988, when the figure raised up to 21%, 105 times of that in 1980.

The curve reveals a sharp rise during the 1982-1983 period. In 1982, five families in every one thousand families possessed personal computers. The percentage increased to 10% in 1983. During 1983 to 1987, the slope of the line decreases, which means that the growth becomes dull. The percentage increases merely by 10% in this four-year period. In the 1987-1988 period, the growth of household with personal computers in the US slowed down again: that year, the increase is simply 1%.

The graph presents the trend of household with personal computers in America from 1980 to 1988.

The line (line是指直线吧)shows a uniformly(这里用这个词准确吗,我保留意见) upward trend in the eight years. In 1980, the percentage of personal computers in household is 0.2%. That is to say, only two families in every one thousand families in America had their own(好像跟personal的意思不太一样吧) computers at that time. However, things had going to be quite different in 1988, when the figure raised up to 21%, 105 times of that in 1980.(during which the figure has raised up to 21%,105 times as much as that of 1980)

The curve reveals a sharp rise during the 1982-1983 period. In 1982, onlyfive families in every one thousand families possessed personal computers.,while the...The percentage increased to 10% in 1983. During 1983 to 1987, the slope of the line decreases, which means that the growth becomes dull. The percentage increases merely by 10% in this four-year period. In the 1987-1988 period, the growth of household with personal computers in the US slowed down again: that year(貌似有歧异,前面说1987-1988,这里是that year?), the increase is [场区咯然=blue]simply(好像不正确) 1%.
.....
不好意思,没认真改,仅作交流...
bless!
各位继续

btw:我没考过雅哈....不懂具体的规矩...


[ 此贴被kiwiy在2007-07-07 12:27重新编辑 ]

自己没考个雅思,从IBT的经验来说,没什么语法问题,几乎没有,但是词汇比较低级,全是高中词汇...建议,自己尝试用一些高级词汇替换.
因为没考过,也不知道要求...我个人感觉了

这篇文章的问题在于：1.句法简单，几乎没有复杂结构，楼主至少要用到插入句，动名词开头，类比之类的吧。 2.用词重复，单一。percentage在文章反复出现，楼主可以尝试表达比例的其他句法，比如account for ,proportion之类的。 3. 很平淡。感觉读下来就没有波澜，lz多看看雅思的范文里的对句子和段落的处理，平淡的文章肯定得不了高分

The graph presents the trend of household with personal computers in America from 1980 to 1988.

The line shows a uniformly(这是个副词，这样用不妥) upward trend in the eight years. In 1980, the percentage of personal computers in household is 0.2%（注意时态，用一般过去时）. That is to say, only two families in every one thousand families in America had their own computers at that time. However, things had going to be quite different in 1988(感觉这句有点便扭， 如果是我，我会这样写 things became quite different in 1988), when the figure raised up to 21%, 105 times of that in 1980.
（在此插一句，line 和 curve 应该是不能等同的吧？）
The curve reveals a sharp rise during the 1982-1983 period（改为during the period of 1982 to 1983读起来更顺）. In 1982, five families in every one thousand families（跟第二段的表述有点重复，用百分数就好了） possessed personal computers. The percentage increased to 10% in 1983. During 1983 to 1987（为求多样性，可以试试用Between 1983 and 1987）, the slope of the line decreases(注意时态), which means that the growth becomes(注意时态) dull. The percentage increases (注意时态)merely by 10% in this four-year period. In the 1987-1988 period, the growth of household with personal computers in the US slowed down again: that year（指的是哪一年？）, the increase is(注意时态) simply 1%.

现在的雅思考试TASK1里面明确说了，可能的地方一定要做比较，所以建议多点比较。如果没有比较的话，是不可能超过6分的。
最后最好能有个一句话的结论。
水平有限，仅供交流

LZ 是个牛人，这么快就开始写作了？

弱问一个，可以说had going to be 么？
had 后面可以加ing?

Quote:

引用第6楼xulifengbee于2007-07-08 18:19发表的:
弱问一个，可以说had going to be 么？
had 后面可以加ing?

ms 不行..

Quote:

引用第0楼wenqiang于2007-07-07 11:58发表的求雅思作文批改:
是Task1
图片无法传上来，大家主要看语法错误，和单词拼写错误哈，谢谢



.......

http://192.168.2.5/read.php?tid=361097&page=1#0
有蝈蝈发的，可以看一下

早知道我当时也拿到这里来叫牛人批改批改,现在弄得写作考得太差