1. A terrible car accident

There was a terrible bus accident. No one survived the accident except a monkey and there were no witnesses. The police try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures.The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.
The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??! Okay, were they doing anything else?"
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.
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2. Be on Holiday

Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.

If he sneezed, he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.
If he had a headache, he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.
He spent more time at home than he did at school.
On the days that he did go to school, he looked for excuses to come home early.
　　
One morning he came home when the lessons were only half finished.
His father was surprised.

"You've come home early," he said. "Is the school closed today?"
"No, Dad, " Tommy said - "It's open. I came home early.

"How did you do that?" his father asked him. "What did you say to the teacher?"
"I told her that I had a new baby brother and that I had to come home and help you . "

"But your mother has had twins," his father said, "a boy and a girl. You've got a baby brother and a baby sister."
"Yes, I know, Dad, " Tommy said. "I'm saving up my baby sister for next week "
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3. Whose son is the greatest

The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."

The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."

"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.

" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"

Notes:

1. priest: 基督教的教士 ；牧师

2. monsignor: 阁下（对某些天主教教士的尊称）

3. bishop: 主教（主管一城市或一教区之教务）

4. Your Excellency: 阁下（对主教的尊称）

5. cardinal:（天主教的）红衣主教（有权选举教皇）

6. Your Eminence: 对红衣主教的尊称
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4. I got an "F"!

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"
"But that's right!" The father replied.

"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What the heck's the stupid difference?" asked the father.
"That's what I said!"